Discipline and The Word "NO"

Before reading this article please make sure that you have the comprehension level above that of an ape and the ability to understand that which you are reading. Do Not jump to conclusions!  In this article I am primarily referring to the tantrums and dis-respect towards others that I have witnessed amongst today's youth, and possible solutions to the problem.  That being said, please, read on.......

  I have read more child rearing magazines, articles and books over the years than I care to mention. I must say they have become very interesting over the years as well. Instructions on how to discipline, let the child choose the discipline for his or herself, and my favorite how not to discipline. When the answer has been there the whole time....the simple use of the word "NO" and meaning it. I have read articles about whiny parents who have no idea how to deal with little Johnny in the grocery store when he is demanding the candy bar while throwing a mind-blowing tantrum. Look the child in the eye and in a very firm voice say "I told you no and that is what I meant!" But you really must mean it! Don't falter, don't back track and give in, show no fear! Yes, you read that correctly, show- no- fear. Children can sense when you begin to falter, they know that just by throwing that loud, embarrassing and obnoxious tantrum he, or she, will get exactly what they were demanding in the first place. They have figured it out people, they know how to manipulate adults to receive the coveted items that a really great tantrum will produce. Children need to be guided by you, you are their parent(s) after all. Children have been placed in charge of their own lives with very little guidance by their parents, or guardian, for far too long. They have no idea what limitations are and have no idea what to do when faced with them now or possibly later in life.  Take responsibility for your own off-spring! Quit reading the rubbish on the best sellers lists and raise your own children with your own instincts.  Believe you me, people were raising children long before the "child rearing information" gauntlet began. A fact that I find quite irritating is that many of the so called child-rearing "experts" don't even have children of their own! While some of the child rearing ideals of yesteryear were somewhat barbaric, and I am by no means condoning practicing some of those ideals, children were more respectful and well- behaved. I must state that some forms of punishment used long ago were horrible and should not ever take place; such as boxing of the ears, rapping on the head, grabbing, shaking, etc. I must also add that I don't believe in beating children in anyway, and while I don't use spanking as a means of discipline myself, I also do not consider spanking as a beating.That being said....

I do have my own strategies and philosophies when it comes to child rearing. Take tantrums for instance. While, honestly, my children rarely threw tantrums and were actually very happy babies/toddlers, tantrums did occasionally happen. In the event that one would occur, I had a basic remedy for it. Since they were too young to discuss their behavior with, I would simply remove them from the situation that was causing the tantrum.  I would then proceed to cuddle them and speak soothingly until they calmed down, change location or toy, or if that didn't work I would place them in a safe area such as a playpen or baby bed until they could calm themselves down.  I didn't take them out during nap-time or bedtime if at all possible as this could lead to the sleepy-breakdown. I learned to read their cues and I knew when things were going to escalate into a tantrum.  As they got older discipline was necessary at times. I have always proceeded the same way,  1) I almost always explain why I said "No", I say almost as not every situation calls for an explanation.  2) I always explain why I am angry or dis-appointed in their behavior or the undesirable situation.  3) They are sent to their room,(no TV, radio, toys, etc), to think about what they did  or said and also what they should have done or will do. This also gives them, and myself, a moment to cool down so our conversation will be more productive.  4) When the time out is over and an apology, if necessary,  is rendered we will discuss what happened and try to find a possible solution for the situation . All parties will be heard and then the subject will be put to rest. I don't think harping on whatever occurred necessary and it is just counter-productive to do so.  5) I always tell my children they have voices and opinions and they have a right to be heard. Even if we don't see eye to eye on all subjects at least they know they will be heard.  My philosophy is, show them respect and they will learn to respect. Also, it's imperative to set a good example of self-respect as this will help them make better decisions with their own lives now and in the future.
I have received many compliments over the years on how well-behaved my children are, not only from family but strangers as well. We were/are able to go to a restaurant and enjoy family time without our children screaming and running around the table like little beasts as I have seen other children do, all the while the parents are sitting there acting like it wasn't happening and doing nothing to stop this bad behavior. This is not only unfair to the other patrons but it is unfair for the child(ren) as well, as it will inevitably lead to someone getting hurt. I love my children enough to step in when necessary to avoid them becoming injured or possibly injuring someone else. This in my opinion is good parenting.

    I know you have heard of the somewhat odd phrase....Discipline is love....though odd, it actually is. When you set realistic and reasonable expectations/limitations and expect your children to adhere to them, again within reason, while actually following through with discipline when needed, you and your children will be much happier. Believe it or not children feel safer knowing that someone is in control of their environment, (don't misconstrue that statement as in- being controlling), and lovingly guiding them in the right direction so they will have a better chance at a good future while also keeping them safe.  No, you can't be with them all of the time, but with proper guidance they will make better decisions the majority of the time. And yes, any child can sometimes be mischievous, but in my opinion that is a normal part of life. I also believe that children should be left to work out some things for themselves and you should only step in if it looks like a situation may get out of hand. This is how they learn better problem solving skills which will assist them throughout life.  With age, love, and proper guidance comes wisdom!  

New Posts are coming soon.....

I am in the process of researching for my upcoming blog articles. I always make sure that I have viewed the subject from different perspectives and have my facts straight before proceeding to write my articles. I would rather have sound information for those that read my blogs, than just plain rubbish like that which is dished out by those that write the (controlled) "news" or "paid off" articles. Occasionally I will also be writing some movie and book reviews. In addition to my articles and reviews I will also give my opinion, and nothing but my opinion, on various subjects. My opinions are usually written on the spot as I think of them so please forgive possible typos and grammatical errors.  This being said, I really need to get back to work to provide what I have promised.  Happy Reading!!